What I Wish I Knew in High School 5: The Good Ones Will Find Their Way

According to a study completed by the Huffington Post, 36% of people prefer strawberry jelly rather than grape (31%) on their peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Approximately 1,500 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches will be consumed before a student completes high school.* Americans love peanut butters and jelly sandwiches-but why? Why not just peanut butter? And on the contrary, why not just jelly? Is it because peanut butter is too sticky by itself? Is it because jelly is too slimy by itself? Is it because it has become a cultural norm to eat it for lunch? There is only one reason I have find for why I love pb&j sandwiches so much: because they go well together. 

Natalie was a little-less-than-shy brown haired little girl when I first met her. We instantly bonded over the fact that I hung around the high school that my sister attended, and she hung around because her mom worked there. She loved dolphins and I loved dolphins. We both had sisters that were quite a few years older than us. We went to the same school. Destiny-or should I say The Almighty-certainly had a hand on us from the start. In middle school, I found comfort in the basketball team (my abnormally tall height limited me from playing other sports) and Natalie found her way to become the team manager. Long bus rides and away games led us to a very interesting friendship. We would listen to Justin Timberlake circa 2007 and talk about cake and pie. One thing led to another, and we were soon sleeping over each other's houses and planning mall trips on the weekend. As our friendship developed, so did many other things. I soon discovered that Natalie made me laugh like no other. She not only understood and embraced my teenage self, but also revealed that she was similar. We were in sync, we were attached at the hip, we were like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. 

As the new adventure of high school came upon us, major changes accompanied it. I was switching schools, so we woundn't see each other everyday. There were also new people that were involved in our lives, which naturally pushed us away from each other. Time was moving on, and so were we. Natalie and I went about three years without talking or seeing each other. I noticed a lot lacking in my life, but most importantly, I noticed the lack of true friends that I had. There was no one else that I could run to when I needed advice. There was no one else that understood me completely. There was no one else that could make me laugh until my stomach hurt. I was lacking someone to do life with. 

I remember praying to my Heavenly Father about this. I had prayed that I could find another friend that was like Natalie. I never thought in a million years that we would ever be close again. I swore things would be awkward. I spent those year being bitter towards God because I didn't have a best friend, when in reality I should have been bitter towards myself. 

As a teenager, I felt as if I was entitled and stubborn against the entire situation. I never initiated anything, and I wasn't ready to jump back into anything either. If I would have had a good heart and a willing attitude, maybe things would have been different. I knew that God intended for me to have close friends; as He designed for us to be in relationships with others. When I was in high school, I wish I would have realized how great the friendship between Natalie and I was. I also wish I knew that if people are truly good for you, God won't let them stay out of your life forever. 

About a year ago, Natalie and I started hanging out again. After a few hours past, it was as if we had lost no time. My stomach was hurting from laughing, my eyes were filled with happy tears, and my heart was full of joy. The Father knew that Natalie and I could and would restore our friendship, and He knew that it would flourish. 

In high school, there are so many people around you. Some may seem as "friends" but have ulterior motives. Some may promise you that "they will be around forever", but have no intention of keeping the friendship past school. I was lucky enough to have not only a best friend, but a godly friend. High school can be a rough and trying time, but having a best friend in your life can help ease some of the struggles and help you become the best version of yourself. 

Natalie and I are now in our junior year of college, and we've grown so much since high school. She fulfills so much more than the typical role of the friend brings. She gives me advice, she listens to me, she challenges me, she inspires me, she encourages me, she puts up with me, and she loves me. I know that I'm lucky to have her, because some people go through their entire life without having a close friend. Words cannot describe how much of a blessing she is to me. My Father knew I needed a bestie, but He just so happened to give me the cream of the crop! One could say we go together like peanut butter and jelly. And friends: if your friendship is compared to one of the best pairs in the world, it is definitely worth keeping. 

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for a friend" John 15:-3 NIV

                         Natalie and I when we were young little mermaids

          Freshman year Halloween...

           Our 80's theme sweet sixteen!

         Summer of 2014...the summer of concerts

      The most recent picture of us....French restaurant in the city-love! 

In His forever & always,

* Peanut butter and jelly statistics found at nationalpeanutboard.org 

Why We Should Be Encouraging The Selfie

In 2013, The Oxford Dictionary dubbed "Selfie" as the word of the year*. This brought a lot of speculation to our society. I remember hearing people say things like "What has our society come to that our word of the year is selfie?" as well as "Teenage girls are taking over our society, one selfie at a time." And yes, I knew that we had reached a new phenomenon the moment my 85 year old grandfather asked me to take a selfie on his phone. Our media has tied the concept of the selfie officially to teenage girls, because they are the number one demographic who posts them. According to a study done by MediaBistro, 50% of men have taken selfies, while 52% of women have**. This form of taking a picture is definitely not entirely related to teenage girls. If you are on any social media website, you have most likely seen more selfies within the year than in your entire life. It has become a social norm to post pictures of yourself!

Some people may have negative thoughts about the selfie. Some people may think they're overrated, or annoying. I've heard many people complain about them while scrolling through Facebook or Instagram. At this very moment, I searched the hashtag "selfie" on Instagram. There are over 178 million pictures in that category. The selfie has also turned into day-oriented posts. There are such things as "Selfie Saturday" and "Selfie Sunday", where people post their self portraits under that hashtag. Some have even taken it to the next level, adding "Selfie" to the beginning of each day of the week (i.e. "Selfie Tuesday"). So, what is it with this phenomenon? Why do people take them? Are they annoying? Is there a point to them? Is there a limit to how many you should take? I am here to answer one question: "Why should we support the selfie?" 


I've grown up around women my entire life. I am the youngest of five children, and four out of five of them are girls. I went to an all-girls school for high school. I started as a youth leader for girls when I was 17, and still am today. My mentor is the director of women's ministry at my church, and through seeing her influence and experience, women's ministry has become one of my passions. One could say that I love being around women. I'm always reading books and studies about teenage girls in order to keep myself up to date on the most current issues. Some people laugh at that, because I'm only 20 years old. I will tell you one thing about working with youth ministry: times change quickly. Teenage girls deal with issues at 14 that I didn't even know about until I was 19 years old. They are faced with more pressures and hardships than I ever did. It scares me! After talking with many different women (ages 14-60), I learned one thing about women collectively: almost all women suffer with negative thoughts about their image. This doesn't just include their body; it includes the look of their nose, the size of their breasts, their post-baby bodies, their height, their hair, you name it-they've got it. I've got it too. As women, we are bombarded with images daily that throw an idea of "ideal beauty" in our faces. Ads, television, movies, songs-almost all media portrays this image of "beauty". The problem with this ideal beauty is that it can never exist. Women are portrayed as flawless in the media. Photoshop will kill us as time evolves. Some women spend their lives striving for that beauty, for that perfection, not knowing that they will be let down. I wrote a post about how perfection does not exist, and you can read it here! My point is that some women will feel that they are not pretty enough, not small enough, not big enough, not skinny enough, not tan enough, not toned enough-and all of these stem from our society's biggest lie: you are not good enough. 

DoSomething.org put out statistics about body image***. I wish I could say that I was surprised when I read them.

Approximately 91% of women are unhappy with their body type.

Only 5% of women naturally have the body type that America deems as "ideal".

58% of college girls feel pressure to obtain a certain weight.

Studies show that the more reality television a girl watches, the more likely she is to find appearance important. 

These are all 2014 statistics. Is this what our society has come to? While there are many studies, statistics, and proof that the "ideal image of beauty" is distorted, there is still nothing that is being done.

With all of these statistics in mind, it brings me back to a time where there was no such thing as the selfie. It was old fashioned-we had a physical camera, not a phone, and we would take group pictures, not just of ourselves. I also remember when Facebook invented the "tag", which was a feature that when you scrolled over someone's face, it would show you their name, and you could click through to their profile. One specific thing I remember about this, is how many times I heard girls say "Don't tag me in that picture! I look horrible!" or "Take that picture down! I look so bad!". I heard this everywhere, and I saw some of my own friend's remove their tags in my pictures because they didn't like the way that they looked.

Here is the reason why we should support the selfie: people take these pictures of themselves, and they like it enough to post in online. Somewhere down the path of selfie-taking, a girl or guy will look at their pictures, and pick one where they feel attractive. They post it online because they feel confident about the way that they look. Girls feel beautiful enough to show the cyber-world their picture. Guys feel handsome enough to show people what he looked like that day. Selfies are forcing us to look at ourselves, and admit that we are GOOD ENOUGH. They are forcing us to stare at our face, and believe that we are beautiful or handsome. While I may consider myself "behind the times", I'm not naive to what goes on in the selfie process. There are most likely 20 other pictures that have been deleted, but the important thing is that there is one good picture that the person likes. I also know that there are such things are "filters", which are different effects you can add to a picture (black and white, sepia, color darkening, etc.) that may enhance the way you look. Who cares if someone makes themselves black and white? The idea is that they are enjoying how they look and they want others to see it. That is MAJOR! I love selfies because of this.

I also understand that there are some people who may "abuse" the selfie game. I understand that there are some people who post selfies every single day, and viewers may be annoyed with that. I challenged myself to say one positive comment, or more, about each selfie I see-and I challenge you to do the same. We should be empowering one another, and building each other up. You make think selfies are dumb. You might even hate them. Once I realized the beauty behind each selfie, I changed my thought process too. If I can help one person believe that they are beautiful, you bet that I'm going to like their selfie. 






*Selfie is named Word of 2013- http://blog.oxforddictionaries.com/press-releases/oxford-dictionaries-word-of-the-year-2013/

**Selfie statistics- http://www.mediabistro.com/alltwitter/selfie-statistics-2014_b55825

***Dosomething.org body image statistics- https://www.dosomething.org/facts/11-facts-about-body-image




I challenge everyone reading this to post a selfie this week-believe you are enough, because you ARE enough.



In Him forever & always,

Why I Stopped Wearing A Promise Ring

I was in 8th grade when I first found out what the idea of a "promise ring" was. My church didn't have one of those famous "promise ring" ceremonies or anything. In fact, I was on a trip visiting with my older sister in Colorado. We were in a Christian store, and when I asked her about it, she explained what it meant. Today, I'm very surprised that I hadn't learned what it was earlier in my life. I went to a private Christian school, so I was in a bubble and I was surrounded with all of that kind of stuff. As a 14 year old girl, this is what a promise ring meant to me:

"I wear this ring because I'm waiting for my Prince Charming. I'm waiting to have sex with him until I'm married. I'm not going to give myself to anyone else except that Prince Charming. I won't even mess around like some girls I know. I promise God, and my future husband, that I will wait to have sex until I'm married." 

  Not too shabby for a sheltered and clueless pre-teen. My older sister gave me her old promise ring to wear, and from that day on; I wore it religiously.

                                                                     ***

  If you are older or younger than me, you may not even know this, or remember it. When I was 14 to about 16 years old, the huge thing in pop culture was the Jonas Brothers. Not getting off topic, but I totally liked them before Nick (the youngest, the most talented, and my personal favorite) dated Miley Cyrus and their hit single "S.O.S" came out. The reason that most girls I knew liked them (if not for their good looks) was their innocence and purity. These 3 brothers were from a small town in New Jersey, and their dad was a pastor. For the first few years of their career, they all wore promise rings. They were simple silver bands that the brothers talked about publicly for a while. After constant criticism and jokes made about the rings, the brothers refused to talk about the topic. Years later, the rings came off. Kevin (the oldest) married a small-town girl, and the other two were finding their way into young adulthood. Nick chose to wear his around his necklace, but after their popularity diminished a bit, it came off of the necklace as well. 

 The point I'm trying to make is that, the time that I wore a promise ring-everyone knew about them. I think every pre-teen Disney star wore one at some point. I entered into a different high school, and people would comment on it. Girls would ask me where I got my ring from, how much money it was, and some even asked for specific details about why I chose to wear one. I must say, that it was a great liaison to a discussion on my relationship with Christ-which was great! I continued to wear it all throughout high school, and I continued to stay pure. I remember toward the end of my senior year, putting the ring on in the morning was a routine. My alarm would go off. I'd wake up, brush my teeth/face/hair, wash my hands, put on lotion and put on the ring. I didn't even think twice about that. It went on my ring finger, as if it were the plaid skirt and polo that was a part of my Catholic school uniform. People eventually stopped asking about it. As soon as Justin Bieber came onto the scene, the Jonas Brothers lost their popularity. And Justin Bieber didn't wear a promise ring. 

                                                                     ***

  As I entered into college, I stopped wearing the silver ring around my ring finger. "Why?" you may ask. It wasn't because I was ashamed of my ring. It wasn't because I hadn't stayed pure. It wasn't because I was ashamed of my innocence and lack of experience with "boys". It wasn't because the stress of college made my fingers bloat. It was because of some passages that I read in the Bible. It was because I started to really think about the reasons and why I wore that little ring that read "true love waits." on my finger. This is what I came up with: 

                                  1. The ring reads "true love"

-who is my "true love?" Is it some man that I don't even know yet? No! My true love is Christ! It always has been, and always will be. It's silly for me to wait for someone to fulfill me as a "true love" when I have access to the Ultimate Love 24/7-Christ. 

                                  2. Christ is my true love. Why should I wait for His Love?

- I should NOT be waiting for Christ's love! I should be RUNNING TO HIS ARMS and His grace! Since He is my true love, I should be embracing that unconditional, unfailing, everlasting love, and I should be loving Him to the best of my ability. 

                                  3. I'm a girl, and I can't wait to be a wife. I can't wait to be married. I wear this ring to remind me that someday, I will be a wife! My dreams will come true! 

- This was most likely my thought process, because I still feel that way. I still can't wait to be a wife-SOMEDAY. When I wore this ring, I felt as if I was always looking to the future, and dwelling in the fact that I was single. Focusing on what I didn't have rather than what I did have drove me insane. It wasn't in God's plan for me to dwell on what He didn't give me instead of what He had already blessed me with.

                                  4. I'm focusing all of my feelings and expectations into a human-a male. I'm looking at my finger and thinking about a husband, rather than my real True Love.

-When I wore this ring, I always thought about how great life would be once I was married. I was thinking about this man, who someday would "sweep me off of my feet and be my true love". I was looking in the wrong places. If only I knew that Christ would always fulfill me more than a human would, maybe I would have thought differently about wearing that silver band. 


  Psalm 130:5 (NIV) "I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits, and in His Word I put my hope"


This is the verse that made me re-think my promise ring. It doesn't say that I wait for my FUTURE HUSBAND, and in MY FUTURE HUSBAND, I put my hope. It says that I should be waiting for my LORD. Of course, in this context-it was David worshipping to God that he would wait for God's instruction instead of his own. We should also be humbly waiting for the Lord to return to Earth. 

                                                            ***

I don't want to condemn anyone for choosing to wear a promise ring. Like I said earlier, I wore one for years-and I don't regret that. As a pre-teen/teenager, I was very happy to wear it. It was an outward symbol of my relationship with Christ, and an outward symbol to show I was saving myself for marriage. I just encourage everyone to re-think who their "true love" is. Is it the idea of having sex with your future husband? Is it your future husband himself? Who is it? I didn't realize that mine was Christ until I was about 18 years old. I want everyone to know of this amazing, unfailing, everlasting, unconditional, undeserving love. Christ's love for us is one that we'll tangibly never understand. THAT'S how big and powerful it is. And that, my friends cannot be depicted on a silver band. 




*Side note- I am also 20 years old, and I'm in college. Statistics show that I'll most likely be married within the next 10 years. I've heard from good and Godly men my age that as soon as they see or meet a girl they're attracted to, they automatically look at her ring finger. If I had a band on my finger, I wouldn't want them to get the wrong impression! The only guy I'm in a relationship with is my Heavenly Love, and I prefer to explain that to them in words rather than a ring. 



In His forever & always,

What I Wish I Knew in High School 4: What I learned from My Shattered iPhone

Walking in Philly with my brother was definitely an adventure. This past week, my older brother and I went to the Hard Rock Cafe to see Dustin Lynch for a free concert. Since neither of us are "city folk", we had no idea where we were going. We parked a mile away from the restaurant to avoid paying $30.00 for the three hours we would be there. I went to grab my phone out my pocket to mark down what street we were on; and thus-the worst thing happened. My poor little phone flew out of my hand and landed on the pavement-face down. My pulse quickened as I lifted my phone up, and I immediately closed my eyes in despair. The little chip on the side of my phone had spread wildly out of control. It was shattered. It was spider-webbed. It was done.

 I was actually surprised that it took me this long to break my phone. I have the worst luck with all technology, so after dropping it multiple times, I guess it finally gave up on me. Today, while scrolling through an article, my thumb felt wet. I looked down and almost fainted...there was blood-everywhere. I suppose chunks of the glass cut up my thumb, and I was just noticing it. *Side note-I can't deal with blood. It's gross, which is why God intended for it to stay in our bodies.* After cleaning myself and my phone up, I carefully dragged my fingers across the pattern of the cracks. I was amazed at how many different directions these cracks were going-all from one blow to the ground. 
It made me think of high school.
It made me think of a lie that was planted in my mind. 
It made me think of how that one lie turned into years of pain. 

                                                                      ***

It only took one hit to the ground to destroy my phone. It only took one chip on the side of my phone to spider-web out of control. It only took one lie from satan to destroy my heart. I can't remember when the thought first popped into my head, but I can certainly remember the years of damage it had done. Looking back, I know now that I am not the only one who felt that way. I know that I am not the only one who suffered because of one sentence. 

                                                    "You are not good enough."

This lie started out as just one sentence-like my phone's damage started out as just one chip. That lie followed me like a sad dog. It infected me in so many different areas in my life. It infected my relationship with my family. It infected my friendships. It infected my self-esteem. It spread like wildfire throughout my heart; eventually finding its way to my brain. It wasn't all of the negative thoughts that were the problem. Of course, there were factors that played into it as I grew up. Losing close friends, fights with my siblings, deception from boys-you name it. The thoughts and events truly made myself believe that I was not good enough for anyone. Anytime my parents would pay attention to another sibling, I believed that I wasn't loved in the same way. When my friends would ditch me, I believed that I wasn't a good enough friend. When a boy asked me why I ever thought he could like someone like me, I believed that I wasn't beautiful...and that no one could ever truly love me. These dark lies and twisted thoughts ruined me. They broke my heart. They put me in a dark place for years. It wasn't until I exposed myself to the light that I was healed. It wasn't until I started replacing those lies with Biblical truths that I found my self-confidence. It wasn't until I heard Jesus call me His beautiful daughter that I believed I was good enough. It wasn't until I felt His unfailing, unchanging, unconditional, everlasting LOVE that my life changed. I understood it. 

If satan could place one lie in my life that damaged everything, Christ could plant many, many truths in my life that could heal everything. 

"Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love." Psalm 31:16 NIV

"How priceless is your unfailing love, O God! People take refuge in the shadow of your wings." Psalm 36:7 NIV

"The Lord appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you." Jeremiah 31:3 ESV 

"From Zion, perfect in beauty, God shines forth." Psalm 50:2 NIV

                                                         ***

It only took a few truths to lead me on the path to healing. I would say that everyone that seeks the truth of the Lord is on a healing process. We're all broken in some way, but though Christ-our brokenness is made into beauty! (Psalm 31:18, Psalm 147:3) The world is infected with satan, and therefore brings lies to us. Though it may be difficult, it's not impossible to seek beauty in all of our brokenness. Ainsley Britain knew that the girls of our country needed to hear this exact message. 

Unveil: verb: to disclose or reveal, to reveal one's true self

Ainsley Britain  started the Unveiled Campaign in 2014. She had a vision for young women across our nation. She believed that women should unveil the truth about themselves in order to fulfill their dreams and destiny. She believed that young women across the world should walk in truth and beauty within themselves. The initiative is to empower young women to spread awareness unveiling true 

 beauty and defeating the lies that we're faced with everyday. The hope behind the cause is to encourage others to not hide behind themselves, instead, to embrace who they are and shine to others. 

The Unveiled Campaign also focuses on sexual abuse. Ainsley Britain also feels very passionate about raising awareness for sexual abuse in this country. The campaign encourages women to get help and seek counseling in times of trouble. On the campaign's website, there are links to places to get help for sexual abuse, child abuse, suicide, and eating disorders. 

Unveiled is based out of Nashville, TN, but is quickly spreading around America. The campaign makes videos on advice, information and news that focuses on topics related to the cause. 

Our society needs Jesus, desperately. I know for a fact that I am not the only one who has believed these lies. I believe that Christ instilled this movement in Ainsley's heart to CHANGE these lies. I believe that through this campaign, girls will get a better understanding of who they are, and whose they are. 

I pray that Ainsley and her team at Unveiled will help destroy the LIES that we are being told and replace them with the TRUTH that is Jesus Christ and His unfailing love for us. I've been challenged by this campaign, and I believe you will be too. How will you unveil yourself?

Please join me in supporting and spreading awareness of this cause at 

www.unveiledcampaign.com 

In His forever & always,

What I Wish I Knew In High School 3: It's All Mine

  I'm not typically a selfish person. I would consider myself a fairly generous person, but there's always room for improvement. Sometimes it's okay to be selfish! Yes, you did hear that correctly! I'm going to talk about one specific thing that I believe is meant to be personally possessed.

  Your Bible. 

  When I was in high school, I didn't really take advantage of my Bible. I think that I might have been afraid to make it my own. I was scared to be selfish with it. It was later in high school when I got my own "adult" study Bible . I had old Bibles that were marked up with notes about the Jonas Brothers and my best friends when I was 13. I decided that once I was serious about my faith, I needed a serious Bible. I really like the one that I chose because it's simple, and it's a study Bible, which means while I'm reading, I can read cool facts and meanings to different passages. Trust me when I say that I am NO Bible scholar, so having a study Bible helps me understand things that otherwise I wouldn't know. Like I've mentioned previously in my posts, I'm huge on the idea of not only focusing on loving God through your life, but also feeling, accepting, and embracing the love from God. I truly believe that having a Bible and digging into it helps nourish and strengthen that love. If you work at your relationship with The Lord, your Bible will be your lifeline; it will be one of the most important things to you. Merriam-Webster says that the definition of "Bible" is:

Bible-noun/ the book of sacred writings used in the Christian religion

Sacred-adjective/ worthy of religious worship : very holy

  Your Bible is your own VERY HOLY and SACRED writings and words from The Lord! Why not take advantage of it? For me, my Bible is my selfish place, because I'm the one that is reading and marking it up. I learned by watching my mom in church that it's okay to take notes and highlight in your Bible-it's whatever works for YOU! Here are some tips that I wish I had in high school when studying my Bible: 

•  Colors are your friend: Embrace your inner pre-schooler! Who doesn't love to color? For me, highlighting different words and verses lightens it up, and also allows me to pay attention a little better. Here is a tool that I use:  

                Green = commands (any command or rule that is stated, such as the 10 Commandments)

                Blue = promises (any promises or covenant from The Lord or Christ, such as in John 3:16         where we are promised eternal life through Him if we believe God gave His only Son to die for our sins)

                Yellow = growth/encouragement (this is my most used color in my Bible. This is anything that is said that will help you to grow spiritually or encourage you in your walk)

                Purple = history (this is pretty explanatory. This is a very common color used in the Old Testament, because it explains a lot of the foundations of early Judaism and the precursor to Christianity)

•  Always have a pen! I aways write notes and things that pop into my head while I'm reading. I will also copy some of the notes directly right next to the verse. *Side note-my church has a bulletin every week that has notes you can fill out during the service. It always makes me think I'm in school when I fill things in the blanks ( i.e. "Jesus loves _____" --> "Jesus loves      me   ") so I will just write things that my pastor says that stick out to me directly in my Bible.
•  Pictures: This helps me to personalize my Bible-like I said-I'm selfish with it! It's mine so I like to include pictures of memories of things that correspond to a passage or a verse in The Word. (i.e. there is a picture of the girls that I work with at church in a passage we worked through during one summer)
• Page Markers: this is helpful tip that is extremely simple-find some cute page markers and stick them on pages whenever a passage or verse sticks out to you! I have a bunch on the side of my Bible and the top. It helps when I need to jump to some instant encouragement without looking through all over the New Testament for it! 
• Index Cards: Something that helped me concentrate on studying God's Word was having a deck of index cards next to me. Whenever a verse stuck out to me, I would write it on a card and I have a pile of them clipped to the front of my Bible. It's also cool to see the verses I really like during the time I was studying it. 

 I hope that these tips have helped you! There are so many other things that go into studying The Bible, but these are just some easy tips I've found during my time here on Earth. What are your tips for studying it? 

^ This is my page from 1 Corinthians 1 and 2. I also like to star things in different colors! The books of Corinthians are definitely some of my favorite books in the Bible.

^ This is the front of my Bible. You can see all of my pens and highlighters. I also usually carry some crayons with me so I can use other colors. On the right, you can see my index cards. The one on top is Romans 6:14! 

^ This is my page form Isaiah 25. This picture is of me and my friend Kyria when we were 13. Kyria passed away in 2011. What really stuck out to me was "…He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces.." When she passed away, it was as if all I could do was cry, so I put her picture next to the verses that helped me during that time. 

"All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work." 

-2 Timothy 3:16-17 ESV 

In Him forever & always,

Looking God Straight In The Eye

  As I sat in Starbucks sipping on my chai tea; I realized something. I was running. I was sprinting. I was rushing in the wrong direction. I was avoiding pain. I was indulging in over-priced tea instead of dealing with my emotions.

                                                                    *****

  This happened one year ago. I can't remember if it was to the day, but I can absolutely remember it was this exact weekend. I needed to get out of my room, and I had nowhere else to go to. I didn't want to be around my family, because that would only make it worse. Seeing my sibling's faces would remind me of memories that I didn't want to remember. Looking at my mom's smile would force me to remember her smile. Being around my family would only bring me back to when we were all together, and everything was okay.
                                                                 
                                                                   *****

  Two years ago, I lost my grandmother. I can say that it was in my top 5 life tragedies that really shook me up. I experienced all stages of grief one possibly could in 3 days. I was only 18 years old at the time, and I was headed to France two days after it happened. I forced myself to forget exact details of that weekend, but I still remember the obvious. My sister had come over to my house after she was finished work, and explained to me what was happening. My grandmother had been battling melanoma (skin cancer), and was sent to a hospice. My grandparent's lived 2 hours away, so that's where my mom spent a lot of her summer. I packed my bags (or at least what I had left over after packing for France) and my sister and I drove up. The hospice was nice. Everywhere was carpeted, and they had a nice reflection garden. I think there was two floors, but I only remember being on one. I can recall every step I took until I got into that room. I saw my grandmother laying in her bed, with my mom, uncle and aunt around her. My first immediate thought was that I knew she was already in the presence of our Heavenly Father. The body laying on that bed was surely just an earthly body; and her soul was in Heaven. This body showed signs of deep sickness, exhaustion, and stillness. I couldn't be in that room for a long time.

                                                                *****

   I hated that hospice. It was the most depressing thing I've ever experienced. I emphasize depression because it was much darker than any sadness I've ever known. It's a crazy feeling knowing that everyone in that building was literally waiting for a loved one to die. In this case-it was my family. My sister and I slept on the floor of that room and spent time with other family members sharing memories and thoughts. I tried so hard to keep everything together. I felt strain on my eyes to stop the tears from coming. I was also in doubt that this was happening so suddenly, and that there was a good chance I would never see my grandmother anymore. It was July 6th, 2012 that she officially went home. I know she's with our Father and I bet she's loving it. I think that she looks down on our family. I think she laughs when we're crazy. I think she shakes her head when we fight. I think she smiles when she sees us. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about her. I remember her lessons, her words of wisdom, and her faith. I remember her Bibles that she would give away, and I remember her hugs. I remember her perfume and her red lipstick. I also remember the kisses she would give me on my head and then comment that my hair was "too long". Now more than ever, I love her so much. Though I don't discount my feelings, I've come to peace with things over these years. It wasn't always like that.

                                                              *****

  When I was in Starbucks, I was running far away from my emotions. This doesn't come to any kind of surprise to me, because I'm notorious for that. I'd rather not deal with the pain, I would prefer to just ignore it. In this case, I was far away from dealing with what had happened, and I was far from God. I was furious at God for everything about my grandmother's passing. I was furious for it happening in the first place. I was furious that she passed on Saturday, and I was leaving for France that Monday. I was furious that I had the least amount of time with her. I was furious that she would never see me on my wedding day. I was furious that I had a great-grandmother (Nanny) for 9 years of my life, and none of the kids in my family would ever have one. God and I had very heated discussions for a long time. Our conversations would usually start out on a nice foot, and end on a bad one. I would cry, I would yell, and I would question Him. I was looking at God straight in the eye. 

                                                            *****

  I rode this emotional roller coaster for about six months. No one really knew it, but the smallest things would set me off. I had to flip over pictures of her in my room, and I couldn't even think about the whole situation without getting extremely upset. Some people say that "time heals all wounds". I do believe that, but there is something that I've adapted over the years that I prefer:

                                               God heals all wounds. 

  I've seen it in my own life. I'm no longer running away. I'm running straight in the direction of those tough emotions. I'm sprinting towards them; because I know that Christ is right beside me. He doesn't want me to endure this by myself. He wants to be with me through this. He wants to be with YOU!

  There are days where it's hard. Today is one of those days. I tear up at the fact that she never met her great-grandchildren. I tear up when I see pictures on "Pinterest" of 3 generations of wedding rings. I tear up when I look to the sky and feel God's comfort around me. But I've learned that it's okay to tear up. I know that God will catch them.

                                                         *****

 So that was last year. Where am I now? I still mourn the loss of her, and I still get upset. I know that ONLY because of Christ, I am comforted. I know that it was in His time, and that He is constantly with me. I never understood the good that could come out of that situation. I'm not sure if there is any, but I know that it's inspired me. Some may call me crazy, but because of this situation my career goal is to become a licensed Clinical Social Worker and work with families in situations like this. I want to be able to provide grief counseling to people who struggle with death, just like I did. I guess God knew what He was doing when He called her home.

  There's one last point I want to make: it's okay to be angry with God. Ironically, that was a time where I felt closest to Him. I was angry at Him, and I let Him know it. I believe 100% that God would rather us yell and tell Him that we're frustrated rather than running away from Him. He embraces us for everything that we are-including furious. He loves when we look at Him straight in the eye.



"If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord."
-Romans 14:8 NIV

In loving memory of my grandmu, Dorothy 

In His forever & always,

Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad!

This might be a little different from posts I normally write, but I am very excited about this one! 

Have you ever known two people that you can tell are in love? Have you ever met a couple that strives with everything in them to make it work? Have you ever met a couple that has managed to stay together after 5 kids, 4 grand kids and 35 of marriage? I have. They're my parents. 

I know that not everyone is lucky enough to have a strong set of parents, and I especially know that it's more common for divorce to occur in today's times. Like I've mentioned previously, I'm a Social Work major and that is under the Sociology program. I take a lot of Sociology classes, so I'm constantly breaking down and analyzing people and our society. After two years of problem-solving and paper-writing about problems in marriages, I am ecstatic to sit down and write about a positive marriage!

35 years ago today my parents were married. I don't think they ever knew what life would bring them. Just their children alone could have given them a run for their money. My siblings and I constantly joke around to my parents, because they only planned for 1 kid, and ended up with 5! My mom and dad had an interesting love story, and to sum it all up-they never really dated. My mom was a college student in Lancaster and my dad was a sailor in the Navy. They met at a Christian conference and started writing letters to each other. If you ask either of them, they'll agree-they never really went on dates. I love when my dad tells me stories of them, and I especially love when he said that his mother (who passed away before their wedding) told him that he better keep this one (my mom) because he wouldn't find anyone else like her! My dad ended up proposing, and they've been in love ever since.

I don't want to put it off like my parents are perfect. I know they're not, and especially now being older, I understand that marriage is something you have to work at. They're normal-they fight, they get frustrated-but nothing could break them. After many events happening to our family and different friends of ours, I constantly fear that something could happen. I remember thinking to myself "if it is this easy for a marriage to end, it could absolutely happen to my parents." I do have full faith that their marriage will stand strong and not be beaten by the sin in our world. 

My parents have shown me a lot through the years (there is a previous post about that) and they will continue to show me things throughout my life. Here is a short list of some lessons they have displayed to me and/or my sisters and brother:

-always put Christ as your #1 and do all things for His glory

-if you fight together, you make up together

-even if we do wrong and become like "the prodigal son", they will still accept us with grace and love 

-marriage is a two-way job. Both the husband and the wife have to make time and put effort in

-date night is a necessity

-parents are a team. If dad says no, mom says no too 

-always kiss in front of your kids (and sometimes gross them out)

-put others before yourself 

-be strong for the other; when my mom had cancer, my dad really stepped up as much as he could. Much to my dismay, my dad sometimes fixed my hair in the morning so my mom could continue to rest. 

(By the way... Dad with rough hands + toddler Cassie with long hair + a comb= Pure torture) 

-even when the going gets tough, fight harder. A marriage is a gift from God, and one that is worth it.

-Finally, never to settle for someone in a marriage. This applies to 2/5 children they have, but my parents knew what they looked for in a spouse, and never backed down from those values. Thank God for that-I wouldn't be here if they hadn't! 

Happy anniversary Commander Pam & Colonel, here's to 35 more (I'll be your age when that happens..oh my!) I love you both! Thank you for fighting for your marriage and always loving each other! 

^ my parents on their wedding day, 35 years ago! 

^ This was at their first child's wedding in 2005 (my sister Mandie)

^ My favorite picture! At my sister Erin's wedding in 2011

^ Also in 2011 at my other sister, Rebekah's wedding

^ This was during one of their weekend getaways..they were getting ready to fly in that tiny airplane! 

^ This was this past December at a military ball! I also love this! 

In Him, 

What I Wish I Knew in High School 2: Less IS More

   I thought that I would continue on a theme that I wrote about in the past. As the school year is closing, and many teenagers will either graduate and move onto college, or move up another grade in high school. If you would like to read my previous post (the first one in this theme!) about the importance of a good relationship with your parents, you can check it out here!

  As a child and a teenager, I felt like I always heard the phrase "less is more". It could be involved with food, opinions, fabric, paint, etc. What I'm going to talk about is makeup. The big "M" word! This is beyond cliche, but I know that everyone says things like "Makeup is only to enhance what's already there!" and obviously the one I mentioned earlier. Just to give you an insight into my past with makeup, I will include my old makeup routine versus my current one. And despite my embarrassment, I will add in pictures of the way that I used to look!

 I'm not saying that wearing makeup is a terrible thing, I wear it all the time! It's completely 100% fine to do your makeup in anyway you want-this is just my story and my feelings about it! I wish that I would have listened to my older sisters and my mom when they told me "raccoon eyes" are not the best way to flatter light blue eyes. My old makeup routine would have gone something like:
-cake on foundation all over my face, especially on my acne
-getting black eyeliner and smudging it all over my eyelid
-putting mascara on
-getting the same black eyeliner ad smudging it all underneath my eyes

 Currently it looks something like...
-washing my hands
-putting SPF 30 sunscreen all over my face
-applying under-eye concealer (dang years of me squinting to see the board in class!)
-applying a light pink or cream eyeshadow to my eyes
-putting on mascara and curling my eyelashes
-concealing any acne I have
-chapstick!

  All though my current makeup list is a little longer, it certainly goes a longer way. Here are some examples at my "raccoon days":

^Creeping on the elderly-hey, I was 14 at the time. Don't ask.

^My best friend, Natalie and I at a rock concert. We constantly laugh at this picture. We believe we resemble "drug dealers"-a lot of darkness around our eyes! 

  As you can tell, you can barely see my eyes. There was so much black stuff around it, that you could barely see my eyes. For myself, my eyes are naturally light blue, so adding chunky black eyeliner all around them made it difficult to see their beauty.

  So-what changed my views on makeup? What made me believe that less truly is more? 

I used to believe that I wasn't the most attractive girl in the crowd. I had a distorted image of beauty from watching television and movies, and reading beauty and gossip magazines. Body issues aside, I used to believe that I just wasn't attractive. Somewhere along the line, I had trained myself to think that caking more makeup to my face made me more beautiful. As for the choice of color, I had watched girls my age and older have lines of black eyeliner all over their eyes. I never realized that what looks great on other girls may not look great on me! After growing more comfortable in my skin, I recognized what features on my face needed to be brought more attention. 

No where in the Bible does it say "your face is the money-maker". It does not say "you are only beautiful if your face is pretty according to society's standards." And it never mentions "adding black eyeliner around your eyes makes you more beautiful." 

As I grew older, I realized that God made me so beautiful in His eyes! He never looked towards my outward appearance...

1 Samuel 16:7

      "...The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." 

I know that it's not always realistic to believe that all people look at your heart. I know that we live in a society where our outward appearance means everything. God doesn't care! He wants me, wrinkled eyes, big chin and all! Once I stopped making makeup a priority, my confidence increased. I looked at my face a began to really try to put as little makeup on as possible. Eventually, I did-now I'm at only a few products at a time. I still wear makeup to emphasize features on my face, and I still wear it because I think that I look better with it on! I'm just very happy that I learned not to add as much on as possible. My face is not like an all-you-can-eat sundae bar; it's a human face that God created especially for me. I want to add as little as possible to God's design! 

In case you were curious, my face now looks a little like this: 

                         ^ Four years later and we're still at concerts ,but wearing a lot less on our faces! 

In Him,

                                             

We Spent 24 Hours Being Crazy

   It was around two months ago that I received an email that sported the event of a lifetime. I quickly called my best friend, Natalie (she is my go-to partner in crime). She agreed that we absolutely had to go to this event. She called out of work. I cleared my schedule. We bought tickets to see Hunter Hayes.

  Non-country fans, or any man that may be reading this blogpost needs to know that Hunter Hayes is huge in the country music scene right now. He is insanely talented, and now I know that he is an extremely humble and thankful artist. There was something that Natalie and I hadn't really caught in the ticket information. You could say that we didn't read the "fine print". The thing that we didn't realize until the tickets were printed up was that the concert doors opened at 5 a.m. Yes, you are reading that right! The actual concert was expected to start around 7 a.m. We had no idea that we would have to get up in the middle of the night (technically morning) to see Hunter perform in his concert. There were three special things about this concert:

1. This was Hunter's attempt to break the Guinness World Record for most amount of live concerts in 24 hours. The previous record was held by the Flaming Lips for a total of 8 shows in 24 hours. Each concert had to be at least 15 minutes and at least 30 miles away from each other.

2. This concert series donated to Child Hunger Ends Here. This organization donates meals and money to help prevent child hunger in America. This organization allows brands of food, cleaning products, and health products to have a code on the packaging. By entering this code on their website, the organization will donate meals to children across the nation. Most of the proceeds from the concert were given to this organization. In addition, Hunter's new album, Storyline has a code inside that will allow the organization to donate 10 meals to hungry children.

3. Natalie and I went to his last show, which was in Philadelphia. This show wasn't necessary to break the world record, in fact, it was an additional show that Hunter decided to add on. Officially, the record was broken in Asbury Park, during his 9th show.

  I have been to plenty of concerts before, and this was by far the craziest. It was even crazier than going to Times Square at 4:00am to see the Jonas Brothers perform on the Today Show in 2009. Here is a brief timeline of what went down during that night/morning:

12:00am-Natalie and I finally go to bed
3:19am-Natalie and I wake up to get ready
4:02am-We leave to drive 40 minutes into Philly
4:45am-We stand in line outside of the venue that had been about a block and a half long and wrapped around buildings
6:15am-The first opener, Charlie Worsham, started his set
7:00am-The second opener, The Railers, started their set
8:15am-Hunter finally arrived in Philadelphia and started his set!
9:30am-Natalie and I met Hunter
9:50am-We left and went to breakfast

 I still can't believe that all of it happened. It was just so wild and lively! There were definitely times where we were frustrated and tired, but we pulled through. We discussed our foot and back pains (from standing for almost 3 hours straight), our hunger, and the extremely hot temperature of the venue. In the end, it was all so worth it. Because of all of that, I have no voice left. I also have no regrets (except for paying $29.00 for parking). We ended up finding where Hunter was coming out of the venue, and where his tour bus was. We hurried over to where there were about 4 or 5 girls standing there behind a barricade. Within 10 minutes or so, there were about 12 of us. The security then didn't allow anyone else to come back where we were. We stood and waiting, completely expecting just a wave and a "hello" from him as he went on to his bus. Naturally, understanding that he had been up for more than 24 hours on this race, we weren't expecting much. He came out, and immediately came over to all of us. He signed whatever we had, talked to us, hugged us, and took pictures with us. For every single person in the line, he thanked them for being there, and for helping fight child hunger. He was one of the most genuine and nice artists that I've ever met. He is a four-time Grammy nominating artist who had a no. 1 selling album the first day it came out. Something that I noticed during the concert, was he was so, so grateful for everyone coming. He ended up playing about 7 or 8 songs (twice as much as his other shows), and released confetti bombs at the end of the show.

  Overall, it was one of the craziest experiences of my life. It helped restore faith into modern-day music. Hunter is a Christian, and remains a positive figure in the music scene. So, was it worth it? Was it worth the early hours, and little-to-no sleep? Was it worth the raspy to non-existent voice pattern that I've experienced over the last two days? Absolutely. I wish I could re-live it. I wish that I could have bought more tickets for the sole purpose of raising money for the cause. Hunter, hats off to you kid-you broke the record. You might have also broke some girl's hearts in the process.

                                                          Waiting for concert to start inside

                                                            Hunter finally got there!

Representatives from the Guinness Book of World Records at the concert, giving Hunter his plaque for being "Officially Awesome"

                                             The confetti shooters during the end of the finale!

                                         Natalie and I waiting outside to see Hunter!

                             Obviously had to capture a picture with the newest world record-breaker!!!



In His forever & always,